i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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