Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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