Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
