dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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