operation have a gay friend backfired
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
im on a boat
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