careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
PANTIES FOUND
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