You're my little dorito
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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