ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
