somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
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