Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
