Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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