I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Let's get the cat blown out
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize