Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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