I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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