i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
