he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
