Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
NoShamevember. You game?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
