As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
