I'm jealous of your bromance
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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