dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
