yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
try to milk me bitch
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