hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think I died a long time ago.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
