The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
