Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
