Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
as a side note pls kill me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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