He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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