KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
