He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize