The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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