You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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