it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
