are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
