I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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