i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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