My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
