Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
