What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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