Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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