Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
