i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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