Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
