Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
