well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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