We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
