The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
