my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
