Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize