So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sorry about my life...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
