Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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