i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
