We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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