If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
