he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize