i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
