I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize