Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
