you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
