I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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