just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I love having hate sex.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
