he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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