she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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