I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
