Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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