i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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