it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
