He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
