I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
