is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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