I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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