Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I did not marry a roomba.
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