They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
