when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i already hear my dad disowning me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sarcasm needs its own font
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
