i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
